So, after the talk of multiples in my last post I headed to my acupuncture appointment. We talked through the latest round of treatments, and my acupuncturist told me that all the ladies at the fertility clinic were excitedly asking her if she had seen me because our progress was so fantastic. We had an animated discussion, she took my pulses and she did what she does best. After the acupuncture treatment was completed, Heather said to me that judging by my pulses (and the estrogen and progesterone levels indicated through the quality of my pulses) it seemed like I had not ovulated yet. This was two days after the IUI treatment. Ugh! She encouraged us to keep trying naturally during this cycle just in case... In my head this meant, "back to the drawing board." So, again.... Just trust that this will work out as it needs to! Please don't let these shots and this process be for nothing!
three days later, this morning we began the progesterone shots. Good news is that it's one shot per day rather than three. The bad news is that this needle is much longer than the ones I was doing in my belly, and this needs to be administered on my posterior! So, romantic mornings are had as my husband gets to shoot a dart in my ass every morning to start up the day! For better or for worse, in sickness an in health, right? I feared that he'd inflict serious pain, but he did really well! Six more weeks of these! Yippee!
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Back to it!
I haven't posted in a while because I was immersed in end of the school year stuff. I wonder if being buried in work is my way of avoiding my emotions. I'm an adult child of an alcoholic, so they say that if you don't rely on one addiction you move to another. I think work and productivity is my addiction. Needless to say, I'm relieved to be released from work for a bit, and the reprieve has brought me to the point of being more reflective again. sometimes that is healthy, other times I wonder!
Just before soon as school ended we began the next phase of the fertility process. I've continued with my daily routine of supplements every morning along with Chinese herbs after every meal...
We also started with injectibles. Now, I say "we," but Isaac doesn't need to shoot up a thing! For some background information, when we did the lighter version of this last summer I was the girl who ran across town to my cousin's house so that my EMT cousin-in-law could give me the one shot a month that I needed to have to trigger ovulation before the Intrauterine insemination. As it was I was a nervous wreck with that! Now... I need to administer one shot (or two depending on the day) from the gonal pen, one menapure shot, and one Lupron shot along with a few more pills. The first day the meds wwere all strewn all across the kitchen table as I needed to view directions, figure out which syringe went to what, and directed my husband to go away, because I could not fathom having an audience for this humiliating and extremely un-romantic picture of "what happens so that a child can be born." I'm proud to say that I successfully did give myself the three shots that first night... not so proud to say that I spent the next hour and a half crying in a way that I can't remember crying since I was a small child.
The tears shed are probably beyond my understanding, but part of them were for the shame of "shooting up" to have a baby, the lost dreams of how "it should be." I think I was also mourning my husband's low sperm count, and his recent withdrawl from grad school (partially attributed to his stress from this process being too much for him to handle along with school)... Fears around my husband's plans to go to Africa as we are in the thick of this treatment.... wondering if next month I'll be taking all these shots and that the timing of his trip may not work out right despite all the efforts we/I are/am putting forth... Grieving the fact that I got married at 35, and knowing that this might have been easier if I was younger. I was carrying the stress of fertility treatments, bills that were piling up, being the soul breadwinner of the family, fears that the recent bickering in my marriage were something beyond what could be fixed over time, and wondering if my body, mind and pocketbook can take this sort of pressure.
It took an hour to give myself those shots that night. Strangely the shots didn't hurt that much. The fear is what made me cry for an hour and a half. This crying is the sort of crying where your eyes can't see straight because of the tears, then the nose gets so stuffed up that you can't breathe anymore, and then you realize that you've been trying to hold back your sobs, so that there is a dryness and an all out inability to breathe because of the gymnastics that have been going on in your throat so that the sobs wouldn't wake the neighbors or cause an accidental visit from a policeman wondering "what has been done." My very confused husband tried to console me by spooning me and holding on... his eventual snores were proof that this sorrow could outlast him. we had some important conversations the following day, and by the next night it only took half an hour to administer the shots, and I made jokes afterwards. I've gotten better since then. Again, the loss of innocence in this process has been something to behold that is stronger than anything I'd ever imagine. Things that seem so easy and natural are far from it. Oh, here is a picture of my belly after the week of injections. I've been told that it's normal to bruise. no bikinis for me this summer.
So... they did the IUI this week. My follicle production was through the roof-- to the point that they feared multiples and counselled us about decision making for my health and the health of the little one/ones. The nurse talked about triplets (or more) and mentioned decisions about "reductions" which could get expensive and are not easy emotionally. This would require a trip to Philly or NYC and would not be covered by insurance. They also said that I had a perfect set up for IVF if we wanted to do a last minute change to our procedure----also not covered by insurance.
We decided to continue forth as planned as we've heard this before, and nothing happened (baby-wise) the last time around. I'm 41, and the likelihood of all those follicles containing healthy eggs is questionable, so we moved forward despite the warnings. In order to get a successful IUI doctors generally hope for 10 million sperm. Last summer when we did this Isaac had between 1.5 million and 3.9 million sperm for our procedures... Like we said before, we've been doing diet and acupuncture to keep us both in the best shape possible. This time....Isaac had 25 million sperm (not 2.5 million... that's not a typo.... 25 million!!!). So, sounds like multiples are a distinct possibility here??? Nothing is ever easy. We wait for the next two weeks. I'm trusting. I want children, but not too many, please?
Just before soon as school ended we began the next phase of the fertility process. I've continued with my daily routine of supplements every morning along with Chinese herbs after every meal...
We also started with injectibles. Now, I say "we," but Isaac doesn't need to shoot up a thing! For some background information, when we did the lighter version of this last summer I was the girl who ran across town to my cousin's house so that my EMT cousin-in-law could give me the one shot a month that I needed to have to trigger ovulation before the Intrauterine insemination. As it was I was a nervous wreck with that! Now... I need to administer one shot (or two depending on the day) from the gonal pen, one menapure shot, and one Lupron shot along with a few more pills. The first day the meds wwere all strewn all across the kitchen table as I needed to view directions, figure out which syringe went to what, and directed my husband to go away, because I could not fathom having an audience for this humiliating and extremely un-romantic picture of "what happens so that a child can be born." I'm proud to say that I successfully did give myself the three shots that first night... not so proud to say that I spent the next hour and a half crying in a way that I can't remember crying since I was a small child.
The tears shed are probably beyond my understanding, but part of them were for the shame of "shooting up" to have a baby, the lost dreams of how "it should be." I think I was also mourning my husband's low sperm count, and his recent withdrawl from grad school (partially attributed to his stress from this process being too much for him to handle along with school)... Fears around my husband's plans to go to Africa as we are in the thick of this treatment.... wondering if next month I'll be taking all these shots and that the timing of his trip may not work out right despite all the efforts we/I are/am putting forth... Grieving the fact that I got married at 35, and knowing that this might have been easier if I was younger. I was carrying the stress of fertility treatments, bills that were piling up, being the soul breadwinner of the family, fears that the recent bickering in my marriage were something beyond what could be fixed over time, and wondering if my body, mind and pocketbook can take this sort of pressure.
It took an hour to give myself those shots that night. Strangely the shots didn't hurt that much. The fear is what made me cry for an hour and a half. This crying is the sort of crying where your eyes can't see straight because of the tears, then the nose gets so stuffed up that you can't breathe anymore, and then you realize that you've been trying to hold back your sobs, so that there is a dryness and an all out inability to breathe because of the gymnastics that have been going on in your throat so that the sobs wouldn't wake the neighbors or cause an accidental visit from a policeman wondering "what has been done." My very confused husband tried to console me by spooning me and holding on... his eventual snores were proof that this sorrow could outlast him. we had some important conversations the following day, and by the next night it only took half an hour to administer the shots, and I made jokes afterwards. I've gotten better since then. Again, the loss of innocence in this process has been something to behold that is stronger than anything I'd ever imagine. Things that seem so easy and natural are far from it. Oh, here is a picture of my belly after the week of injections. I've been told that it's normal to bruise. no bikinis for me this summer.
So... they did the IUI this week. My follicle production was through the roof-- to the point that they feared multiples and counselled us about decision making for my health and the health of the little one/ones. The nurse talked about triplets (or more) and mentioned decisions about "reductions" which could get expensive and are not easy emotionally. This would require a trip to Philly or NYC and would not be covered by insurance. They also said that I had a perfect set up for IVF if we wanted to do a last minute change to our procedure----also not covered by insurance.
We decided to continue forth as planned as we've heard this before, and nothing happened (baby-wise) the last time around. I'm 41, and the likelihood of all those follicles containing healthy eggs is questionable, so we moved forward despite the warnings. In order to get a successful IUI doctors generally hope for 10 million sperm. Last summer when we did this Isaac had between 1.5 million and 3.9 million sperm for our procedures... Like we said before, we've been doing diet and acupuncture to keep us both in the best shape possible. This time....Isaac had 25 million sperm (not 2.5 million... that's not a typo.... 25 million!!!). So, sounds like multiples are a distinct possibility here??? Nothing is ever easy. We wait for the next two weeks. I'm trusting. I want children, but not too many, please?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)